Poudre High School’s website embraces the philosophy of Ubuntu, a South African Nguni Bantu term for humanity that is often translated as “I am who I am because of who we are.” As the website says, “Ubuntu speaks about our interconnectedness and how our actions affect the whole community. We’re all in this together.”     The following essay makes this point eloquently. Kathy Bolinsky shared it with me and now I share it with you just as the writer wrote it. Its author remains unknown but hopefully some readers will recognize their friend’s voice:  April 19, 2005 will forever remain a day of infamy to the eleven of us. Nick wasn’t just another kid passing down the hall, or screaming obscene things, to us, Nick was a friend who we expected to see every day, and if we didn’t, we always wondered why. Waking up every day is a rude reality check for all of us, sure the battle for him is over, but ours has just begun.     A month has passed since Nick’s death, but still we are in so much disbelief. Every single one of us had so much hope, even though we knew his cancer was terminal, we never thought that we could lose someone so near and dear to our hearts, especially Nick, after all what’s school without him. Nick played a big role in all of our lives, whether it be breaking a window with Nathan, flashing a smile to Morgan, or telling Jennifer how blonde she was. The time we spent with Nick meant the world to us. Since January we have been meeting in a small group of Nick’s closest friends to keep us informed and to answer any questions we had about his health. A woman who works at Hospice dedicated her time to us for the extra support we very much needed, and before Nick died, I remember her saying how people with terminal sicknesses often are wise. A few days later I remember Nick and I had a conversation. And the whole time Nick talked I could just feel how real he was being, because the whole time he stared in my eyes looking for me and to this day I remember those eyes, just staring so serious, I probably remember this because this was the only time Nick was around me and not beating me up, and that was the only time he was serious. It hurts to know that a chapter in our life shut without our permission. Paul and Tammy Gaucher thanked us for being so much a part of Nick’s life and for being his friend, but if the truth be told, there is no way we couldn’t be his friend. All of us hung on to his every word like it was air, because we never knew what would come out of his mouth, which is one of the many reasons being Nick’s friend NEVER got old.      One of Nick’s strategies in life was to put everybody else out of money and not to spend his at all. If he wasn’t charging people to copy his homework, he was trying to run a business with his number one buddy Nathan. On TV there are always duos that rule the show, such as Beavis and Butthead, Bart and Milhouse, and, of course, Batman and Robin, but above the rest there was Nick and Nathan. Poor Nathan got the wrath of Nick’s practical jokes. April Fool’s, a day of celebration to many, but a simple prank on Nathan was taken to an extreme by Nick and a Locker War was created between a select few. Of course Nick won the battle and the war so it was really just Nick putting nasty things in Shanae’s locker.      All of us miss Nick more than any words can explain. Everything is a reminder of an endless friendship. We are all thankful for the time we had with Nick, but the common regret we share is not all of us told Nick how much we loved him and how glad we were to call him our friend. The time we each of us spent with Nick was priceless, but his memories are all very much alive in our hearts. In our eyes, Nick isn’t gone. All of us know that now, he has both his arms, and he is just playing ball with The Angel until we are all in heaven playing too. The common regret expressed by the essayist on behalf of Wellington’s Eleven not expressing their feelings directly to Nick may hereby be released. Sure, it would be a better world if more love was, well, yes, expressly expressed, but the fact that each and every one of you told me that you dedicated yourselves to being better people because of Nick exonerates you from any lingering guilt. Truth is Nick was sort of uncomfortable about his role as an inspirational influencer. Here’s what Nick told Fort Collins Coloradoan reporter Sara Reed when she was writing a 2005 story about firefighters doing another fundraiser for him: "It feels good that everyone out there supports me and my family," he said. "But it's overwhelming how everyone out there cares about me and that people tell me I've changed their lives in some way."     Tammy put it this way. “He was worried about all of us and how we were going to do when he was gone,” she said. “I tried talking about it with Whitney, but she didn’t want to talk about it. Somehow if you don’t talk about it, it’s not real, y’know?”       Further absolution comes from author and counselor C. Joybell C., who seems to be best known for others quoting her online quotes. I see now why in sharing this gem of hers, “You can talk with someone for years, every day, and still, it won’t mean as much as what you can have when you sit in front of someone, not saying a word, yet you feel that person with your heart, you feel like you have known the person for forever…connections are made with the heart, not the tongue.”  Another piece of writing Kathy called “a memory letter, one of many, many” came from a very quiet adolescent who was greatly affected by Nick’s death: “Legend” by Nate Porro      The site they see everyday. The Legend is reborn every time they think of you. Never forgotten the seen, the site I saw. The people sad, scared, wondering how long the legend will stay in the hearts of the people I see.     You brought the legend of your life that all will feel and forget nothing of your time spent with all of us. You made a legend.     Your legend will live long in hearts of the Wellington students. All who knew you would never forget your presence that most of the people who read this will forever know and miss with deep sadness.     Your legend will grow to all who read this and will become the person everyone knew. Can never forget your presence is gone, but the legend will live on.     Nicks legend is with us all and we can never forget the presence we all love. Nicks legend will be passed on to all who pass through this school. Never forget his legend. Many reached out to the Gauchers in the wake of Nick’s death. This letter from a chaperone at Sunshine Kids in Orlando captures Nick’s tenacity and his love for water and money: Dear Paul and Tammy,     I am honored to have had Nick as well as both of you a part of my life. Nick was a very courageous young man. He was brave and stronger than most. He played very hard and didn’t let life get him down. I learned that no matter how the cards are dealt, you keep your head up high and forge ahead with everything to gain and nothing to lose.     I can remember many good times I shared with him but the one that sticks out most took place while down in Florida. We were all sitting in the hot tub. It was the end of the week and they were all trying to get gifts to bring home to their families. Nick was trying especially hard to get some extra money and to get me to bet him on anything. Finally, I gave in. I bet him a dollar a minute for every minute he stood under the rinse-off shower next to the hot tub. Of course, the water from the shower was cold, so I thought he wouldn’t make it much past a minute or two. As I continued to think about this bet, I thought I should put a max on it, so I went with 20-minutes. After eight minutes, I gave in and paid him the full amount because he was actually enjoying the shower. I still wonder if he was part fish or frog! He really loved the water, whether we were in the pool, on a water ride, or taking a nice cold shower. He always seemed to have fun.     I know that Nick is in a better place and although we are not there with him, he is still with us in heart and he is now watching over us. I will keep him in my prayers and I will never forget the great times he had.     Respectfully yours,     Mike The organization’s website explains how the foundation has been making sunshiny days for kids with cancer at no charge since 1982:      “The Sunshine Kids Foundation adds quality of life to children with cancer by providing them with exciting, positive group activities, so they may once again do what kids are supposed to do . . . have fun and celebrate life!     We look forward to the day when The Sunshine Kids Foundation will no longer need to exist. Until that time, the entire Sunshine Kids family is dedicated to providing the most exciting activities, trips and events for as many young cancer patients as possible.” Wellington’s principal made celebrating Nick’s courage the principle of her Christmas greeting that year:      I struggled with a holiday letter this year because I didn’t want to write another “what I did this year” letter and was just going to sign these cards. I did have a good year—I am still the principal of Wellington Junior High School and I traveled a lot again, most notably to Cayman Brac, an island off the coast of Grand Cayman, to dive. It was incredible!     But something happened this year that has forever changed me and helped me focus on the importance of courage. On April 19th, after a long fight with cancer, one of our 14-year-old students died, but it’s really more how he lived that has made an impact on me. Since April, I have struggled with how to help students and staff “move on,” and on the days when I myself am overcome with the grief of losing Nick, I remember one thing he taught me: in spite of everything, it’s better to face things with courage than with fear. Never choose to sit on the sidelines…     Nick was an incredible teacher. Even when his arm was amputated to stop the spread of bone cancer, he came to school the next week and was the quarterback on his football team! Even when the cancer spread to his lungs and all hope was lost, he came to school to be with his friends and teachers, did his homework, learned how to snowboard, skydived, played with his dogs, loved his family, and never stopped believing that he would beat cancer. So this is a year to celebrate courage. The real gifts of every year are that we live, we learn, and sometimes we have to let go. On the award for courage that my school has in Nick’s name it says, “Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes it’s the quiet whisper at the end of the day that says, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”     Livestrong in 2006, please.     Alicia Durand Another teacher at Wellington Junior High School at the time, Jenifer Highstreet, left several personal letters at Nick’s gravesite, letters Tammy would discover later. Jen and I have tried several times to connect, but speaking and/or writing about Nick hasn’t been possible for her without also producing very strong emotion and tears. “To be honest and frank,” she emailed, “talking about this, out loud, with another person, scares me.” Here’s a sample of Jen’s profound progression:     The lessons I learned from Nick’s journey changed the trajectory of my life. Superficial importance gave way to the value of never-again moments; the ebb and flow of daily emotion was thwarted by keen perspective and the belief system valuing growth from experience. His strength brought me to my knees grasping my way towards understanding, through humility, and in the end, he facilitated my introduction to God.